Tips to Handle the Anxiety of Being a New Parent

“Get ready to join the #NoSleepSquad.”

“Never let your baby lay in bed with you or they may get SIDS.”

“Every mom needs to breastfeed for the health of their baby.”

There is nothing that causes as much anxiety and stress as being a parent, and most of that stress has nothing to do with the baby itself. It has to do with your expectations of being a parent, the amount of work that goes into, all the fears that society puts on you, and more.

You may have anxiety in parenting is due to a host of reasons, including:

• No Sleep – Lack of sleep reduces your ability to cope with stress.
• Caregiver Anxiety – Often caring for someone else means you’re not caring for yourself.
• Pressure – We live in a culture that shames parents if they don’t follow certain rules.

You have family members and friends telling you what to do or what you’re doing wrong. You have a spouse or partner that isn’t always helping the way you need. And of course, you have a baby that is demanding, and it’s often hard to figure out why.

It’s amazing that any parents are able to avoid living with an anxiety disorder given all of these stressors and pressures put on them. Anxiousness when parenting is normal.

Why Prioritizing Anxiety Recovery is Important

Still, although it is very normal to have anxiety while parenting, it is also a good idea to prioritize ways to reduce it. That’s because anxiety can be problematic when parenting:

• It causes you stress, which can make it harder to be the parent you want.
• Your child can sense your stress and may be more stressed on their own.
• Anxiety causes memory loss, preventing you from remembering these special moments.

Keep in mind – your child will be okay. 100% okay. Don’t be worried that your stress and anxiety is going to cause problems for your child later. But yes, your child looks to you to relax, so if they see you have anxiety, it can make it harder for them to feel secure.

How to Control Anxiety in Early Parenting

Some of the tips for controlling anxiety in parenting may cause you to roll your eyes. But it still helps to know and repeat them, in case you are feeling overwhelmed by your parenting anxiety. These tips include:

• Sleep When They Sleep

Right now, you’re probably rolling your eyes so high into your head you can literally see your brain. But it bears repeating – there is simply no benefit to you staying up if you don’t have to. When you have a baby, there are no such thing as “day hours” or “night hours” anymore. There is only “baby awake” hours and “baby asleep” hours.

There’s a tendency among parents to avoid napping and avoid going to sleep because “it’s only 3pm” but that mindset needs to be thrown out the window. The best thing you can do for your anxiety is sleep, and unless you get sleep when they sleep, that won’t happen.

• Prioritize Your Partner

Here’s another forgotten part of parenting – as much as your baby needs you, they are also going to forget almost everything you ever did for them by the time they are 2. You and your partner need to spend time loving each other and strengthening your relationship, and while you shouldn’t neglect your new baby, you also shouldn’t assume that everything needs to be about them.

Stronger relationships with your partner make it easier to reduce your anxiety and fight some of the stresses of parenting. But beyond that, children that see parents that love each other are going to grow up happier and more well adjusted than parents that are fighting but paying 100% of their attention to the baby.

• Find Your Parent Friends

Social support is an important part of relieving anxiety, and the best way to get social support as a new parent is to connect with other parents. If you don’t have friends that have children of a similar age, then see if there are any gathering points in your area where you can find people to connect with and talk to about your fears.

• Ask For Help

Not everyone has people that can help them in times of need. But if you have family members or babysitters that can give you little bit of time off, go ahead and ask them for help. You’re not a bad parent if you need a day off now and then. Parenting is a full time job, and even full time jobs have weekends.

• Accept and Relax About Fears and Stresses

Another important part of reducing anxiety is to accept it. You’re going to have days where you’re resentful of your child. You’re going to have days where you make a mistake. You’re going to have days where your child simply will not stop crying or you cannot get any sleep no matter what you try.

Fighting those emotions makes them harder. Accepting them helps. The next time your baby can’t sleep, don’t beat yourself up as though you can’t console them. Just remember that babies cry, and sometimes they cry a lot for no apparent reason. If you have anxiety, don’t always try to stop it. Accept it, and focus on what you can enjoy in the moment.

Also, remember that beating yourself up over issues you can’t control doesn’t help. Are you worried your baby isn’t drinking enough milk? There is nothing wrong with providing a bit of formula. Did you leave a diaper on too long and they have a rash? They won’t remember that rash in a month, so focus on whatever you can do now. Accepting and moving forward is both important and powerful.

Parenting is Hard – Anxiety is Too

Parenting is already a difficult adventure. If you are also struggling with anxiety, that adventure quickly becomes a battle against your stresses. These early moments are fleeting, so finding some time to try to fight back against anxiety is an important part of making sure that you and your child are able to live the best life they can.